If your relationship is firmly rooted in a lifelong commitment to each other and you’ve worked to build up concern for each other and trust in your marriage, it’s possible to confront important issues without blowups. Although it might be painful, confrontation is necessary. Confrontation is a means of listening to your spouse’s heart and expressing your own heart in a way that will ring loud and clear. How you confront is just as important as the issue you confront. Among the ground rules for healthy confrontation: remember how much you love each other; pray about it; listen to each other with an open heart; encourage and affirm one another; forgive and bury the past. Confrontation isn’t always comfortable, but it’s sometimes necessary.

Many people marry with high expectations about experiencing the various colors of life, but we need to realize that life won’t always go our way. Betty and I have always had a commitment to see things through, no matter what. Whether you are beginning a marriage or have been married several years, be encouraged that real change is still possible and improvement is sheer joy. The essential components of a thriving marriage can be put in place at any point and at any time in a marriage relationship. If you’re willing to do what it takes, it’s never too late to start doing the right thing . . . and enjoy living in love.

Personal experience and observation have convinced both Betty and me that if you want to live in love and have a successful marriage, three qualities are essential: commitment, communication and cooperation. From the day we were married until this very day, Betty and I have been determined to have a joy that nothing could destroy – no circumstance, no problem, no disappointment or failure. Not that we haven’t faced challenges over the years (we’ve certainly had our share), but through all the ups and downs, we’ve stayed committed to each other and have been willing to embrace another important C idea: change.

Life isn’t always easy, and neither are relationships. You will encounter times when your dedication – both to God and to your spouse – will be challenged. How should you respond? What should you do in order to honor the commitments you’ve made? These are the times when you most need to trust each other. Trust is built on the foundation of commitment – first to God and then to each other. Trust will help to guide you when you are uncertain about any number of actions or reactions.

Communication – both verbal and nonverbal – ties together the inner qualities of two people in a marriage. It is what makes commitment, trust and concern visible in a marriage, and in that way it’s a reflection of those inner qualities. If you’re committed to your spouse, concerned about your spouse, and both trusting and trustworthy with your spouse, you’re well on your way to having good communication, because all the necessary pieces are in place. When we say communication, we don’t mean talking to make your opinion heard. Creating an open channel for direct, straightforward communication involves both talking and listening, giving and receiving. This type of communication is essential to living in love.

One of the first and most important issues that every couple must agree on is how to manage their finances. Aside from poor communication and infidelity, financial problems are perhaps the most common factor in marriages that are on the road to ruin. Right from the start, James and I came to a crucial agreement, one we believe is supported by the words of the Bible. We agreed not to indulge in compulsive spending and not to try to impress people with any of the stuff we had. As James likes to say, “It’s okay to have stuff; it’s not okay for stuff to have you.” Never allow the things you possess to possess you.

A marriage that lasts a lifetime doesn’t just happen. It takes effort, sacrifice and more than a little patience. But by the grace of God, you can do it. A great verse to put at the center of your relationship is 1 Thessalonians 5:11: So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing (NLT). Husbands, the greatest gifts you can give your wife are affirmation and encouragement, and they don’t cost a dime. With all my heart, my desire is to be Betty’s greatest encourager. I am committed to lifting her up, not putting her down. I want to give her a shoulder to lean on and to give her a sense of security in our relationship. Little words of appreciation and encouragement might seem small, but they are actually very big.